22 Jul What Scares You?
There is a card we use in a process that says “Invite Your Fears To Tea.” Seems a little crazy, right? What does that even mean?
We usually invite friends to tea, not things that scare us. And, yet, what might be possible if we did invite our fears to tea (or coffee, if that’s your preference)?
What scares you? When is the last time you made a list of those things?
For most of us, we only think about what scares us when we’re confronted by it. When that happens, it quite often paralyzes us, and we’ll do anything to get away from it. We certainly wouldn’t become friendly with it and invite it to tea.
So, what does it mean to invite your fears to tea?
For me, it means that my greatest area of growth will come from the stories that are holding me back, or in other words, my fears. I’ll never get to realize my full potential, what’s possible, if I keep hiding from my fears or running away from them. AND, honestly, am I really hiding them from myself or am I hiding them from others?
When I invite them to tea, bring them into the light of day, I can start asking the questions that bring them out into the open. This is much like when we were young, and the scary monster under the bed wasn’t so scary once it was out in the middle of the room.
What would this conversation over tea sound like?
Me: Hi, thanks for coming to have tea with me.
Fear: You’ve never invited me before. Most of the time you keep me shoved down, and you pretend like I don’t exist.
Me: I know. I didn’t realize it was OK to invite you out into the open. Who are you?
Fear: I’m your fear that you will forget what you are supposed to say in front of an audience, and everyone will laugh at you and you’ll be asked to leave.
Me: Oh yes. I know you well.
Fear: Interesting thing is that it’s a little scary for me to be out in the open like this. I feel like I’m losing some of my strength.
Me: Well, then I think it’s time for us to face you head on by asking what’s the worst thing that could happen?
Fear: You are asked to leave, and people think you are a loser and a fraud.
Me: Why would I forget what to say? Wouldn’t I be talking about things I know?
Fear: I don’t know. Maybe
Me: And, if I did forget, couldn’t I just collect my thoughts and move on?
Fear: I suppose so.
Me: And, couldn’t I just laugh about it, and make everyone feel better about doing something like that? I could turn it into a teaching moment. I mean, vulnerability IS the new strong. Seems like as long as I stay focused on my outcome, I’ll be fine. And, if the very worst did happen, I’d be good then too.
Fear: Fine then. Clearly, I am not appreciated here anymore.
Me: Buh-Bye
Is that a fear of mine? Yep! And I’ve had to have this conversation more than once with myself over the years. What keeps me moving forward is my purpose and the outcome. I acknowledge the fear, and then write a new story.
What fears could you invite to tea? You are the author of your stories, and it’s time to write out the fear characters and write in the super heroes!
Barb
If you know that you have fears that are holding you back, let’s talk through them so you can see what else is possible. We always offer a free coaching call to help you see a different perspective. To schedule your call, email me at barb@high5leadership.com .